


Just Let Me Burn

by NanaBeluzzi



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Basically Diving Deeper Into Klaus's Trauma, Don't Know Where I'm Taking This Yet So I'll Add More Tags Later, Drug Use, Gen, Ghosts, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, How Klaus Left The Academy, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Just Wanted To Put My Feelings Somewhere, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, Mental Institution, Teen/Young Adult Cast, probably gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-11-15 12:23:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18073337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanaBeluzzi/pseuds/NanaBeluzzi
Summary: Story detailing the first time Klaus was ever committed into a mental institution, which incidently was also the day Klaus decided to cut ties with his family until the death of his father.This story is probably going to contain a lot of angst, so I'll add tags as I go along, might be triggering to some people so proceed with caution.





	1. The One Where It All Began

**Author's Note:**

> This story was born from insomnia, Hollywood Undead lyrics and binge reading every Klaus fanfiction in this website.

The first time Klaus was committed into a mental institution was because one of his siblings, Diego to be exact.

They had never been particularly close growing up, but despite Diego’s hard outer shell, he had always kept watch over his siblings after he left the academy to pursue his dreams of becoming a cop.

Klaus on the other hand had never moved out in the true sense of the word.

But after enough missions almost ruined because of the state he put himself under, he started sleeping in his bed less and less, until one day he didn’t come home for weeks.

Allison reached out to Diego so he could ask one of his cop friends to put an APB out for him, or a missing person’s report, something. Instead Diego went out night after night searching clubs, alleys, homeless shelters and even morgues. No sign of Klaus. Until one day when looking through some known drug dens he found him.

He was all skin and bone, wearing only a pair of trousers, his feather jacket thrown into a corner to make room for the needle still half stuck in his arm.

“Fucking junkie.” Diego spat under his breath. He didn’t mean it, not really, but seeing his brother throw his life away like this after what had happened to Ben enraged him. It was like he’d lost two brothers at once.

He lifted Klaus’s body off the floor, his jaw tensing when he felt how light and cold he was, it was like holding the corpse of a small child. He carried him to the car and blasted the AC on the way to the closest hospital. He could see Klaus’s chest go up and down very slowly, which was both a relief and more fuel to his anger. What was he going to do with him? He knew he couldn’t stop his brother. Drugs were his only way to cope with all the abuse their dad put him through but putting that shit in his veins and almost killing himself was no way of living either. Of course, these were all questions to be answered when he knew Klaus was going to pull through the night, and even though his brother seemed to have incredible luck when it came to coming back from the edge, one day Diego knew he wouldn’t.

\---

It wasn’t the first time Klaus woke up in a hospital bed. It wasn’t even the first time one of his siblings was next to him, but that was usually Vanya, Allison or the ghost of his dead brother Ben, you know, the ones who weren’t as emotionally constipated as the rest. He didn’t expect to see Diego there. Whenever Klaus’s addiction was concerned Diego never seemed to care if he lived or died.

Okay maybe that was an exaggeration but was it really? The longest conversation they ever had was an argument about Klaus stealing one of Diego’s trademark knifes to sell on a pawnshop in exchange for some drug money, and it ended with Klaus getting a punch after a particularly clever remark that clearly Diego hadn’t found funny.

“Brother dearest,” Klaus starts, hating how his voice was so raspy and weak, still maintaining his facade. “This is truly a surprise.”

“Allison called,” Diego approached the bed, his face carved with disappointment and reprehension, “Said you hadn’t been home in over a week, asked me to find you.”

“Well I greatly appreciate the ride, but you needn’t stay brother, I can find my own way from here.” Klaus sits up and goes to rip the IV from his arm, but his wrists are bound to the bed posts making it impossible to lift them. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“I told them you took the drugs in an attempt to take your life.” Klaus’s face fell, his facade dissipating into anger and betrayal.

“What? Why would you do that, they’re going to put in a–” A little light went on in his mind, everything becoming clear as day. “Is this some sort of punishment? The embarrassment of the family as been running astray for too long, so we have to put him away in a cage until he learns to _behave_?”

“It doesn’t go that deep I promise. We just want to help you.” Diego tried to explain, but Klaus is feeling uncomfortably sober now after they’ve cleaned all the toxicity out of his system and his head is starting to ring.

“No! You just want to keep me locked up again just like dad kept me locked up with fucking dead people!” He yelled pulling at his restrains. Even padded they started to hurt, but not as much as sobriety would. “You never gave a shit all these years, why start now?”

“Klaus calm down, we’re just doing what’s best for you.” His impenetrable expression was starting to seriously get on Klaus’s nerves. How dare he take away his freedom, his only way to have a semblance of peace in his life, and tell him it was for his own good?

“FUCK YOU!” Klaus yells struggling even harder when Diego advises him not to, but he’s not listening, not anymore. “You with your holier-than-thou attitude! You’re not fucking better than me! You left Diego! You left the house, left us all behind so you have no fucking right to tell me what to do! You trying to be a cop? To make the world a better place, just like dad always said? Well that’s fucking _bullshit_! The world is just as shit, just as rotten as when we first came into it, if anything it’s worse.”

That got him, Klaus patted himself in the back for stealing even if a glimpse of emotion from his hot-headed brother, who seemed to have taken the day to pretend to be all stoic and _paternal_. Just the mental image of Hargreeves with the same crossed arms and stoic look made him want to retch whatever they were pumping into him.

Nurses spilled into the room as he continued to curse and struggle. Diego, unflinching, just stood there as they prepared a syringe and stuck it into his IV, Klaus absolutely powerless to stop it. With a near immediate effect his eyes started to get heavier, tears now starting to prickle and eventually falling, uncontained.

How could his family do this?

Diego and little Ben now stood right above his bed, side to side, sadness and disappointment plastered on their faces. The edges of Klaus’s vision started to turn black, but he stayed conscious long enough to hear Diego whisper close to his ear.

“I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you.” He answered, or maybe he only thought he did, he was too weak to tell the difference. Whichever it was he felt it in his soul, from then on, he would cut ties with all the living members of his family.

And he did, for the next twelve years of his life.


	2. The One With His New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus wakes up in a new place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the short update, and that it took so long, I've been working on another project which is upcoming as well and I decided to cut this one short so I wouldn't take even longer to post.

The voices woke him up before the lights. Klaus didn’t exactly know where he was or how he’d gotten there but one thing he was sure, he wasn’t in Kansas anymore.

He laid in a cheap string mattress with a metal frame, the rest of the room was bare, at least as far as furniture went, only a small nightstand was placed right next to him.

When he’s mind cleared up all his memories came back as if a wave had hit him. _Fucking Diego._ The betrayal was what hurt the most, how could his own sibling, knowing about his powers and how much he had suffered being locked inside a goddamned mausoleum, have him locked up in a crazy person house?

Ben, the ever-silent accomplice, stood silently next to his bed, staring at the floor. _He better feel fucking guilty,_ Klaus thought, unrelenting.

He wasn’t the only ghost in the room though. What Klaus had assessed as an odd (especially odd in a single bed room) was in fact a dead woman. She definitely looked the part, wearing a night gown and creepily staring at the wall with a sheet rolled up into a rope, hanging from her bruised neck.

“Charming.” He stated with a sigh, she didn’t react which was a small comfort, last thing he needed was a shrieking banshee to make his stay all the more pleasant.

Few minutes passed until a nurse came to check up on him. She wasn’t surprised to find him awake, instead she wrote something in her notepad and left again before he could even think of something to say.

Klaus got up from his bed and tried to open the door, but as he expected she had locked it behind her. The window was even more futile, as the grids between the glass and the think metal bars on the outside made escape an impossible task.

“I’m not going to lie, I’m starting to see why you hung yourself.” He commented to the woman in the corner.

“Klaus please just cooperate, it’s for your own good and you know it.” Ben pitched in, he might be sorry but still not bright enough to stop himself.

“I’m sorry, did you just say that me being locked in a freaking nut house full of dead crazy people is _for my own good_?” Klaus didn’t even try to attempt to hide the venom in his voice, he wanted Ben to feel horrible. It wasn’t his fault, he had no part in putting him in there after all, but he was the only person Klaus could take his feeling out on, so scapegoat he is. “Please to continue to enlighten me on this could possibly be a _good_ thing!”

“I would be happy to.” Someone says from the opposite corner of the room. Klaus quickly turns and sees a doctor at the door, a plastic smile plastered on his face.

“Oh I wasn’t–. I mean I was but–“ Klaus started, not even ten minutes awake and he already looked insane. “I swear I wasn’t talking to myself. I’m not crazy.”

“Do not worry, I am fully aware of your condition. Now, if you could please follow me Mr. Hargreeves.”

“Mr. Hargreeves is my father, call me Klaus. _Please._ ” Klaus shuddered at the thought of his father, the last thing he wanted to do was have any sort of relationship with him, with any of them.

Klaus followed the man into a very fancy office. On the way he could see some ghosts but they were rather calm, most of them stuck in some sort of loop or action, not really aware of their surroundings. Still he avoided staring as much as possible in case one of them lifted their gaze and their eyes met, that was all it was needed, just one of them to acknowledge him and he would never have another good night’s sleep here.

“I don’t understand what I’m doing here. I’m not _insane_ , unlike some of these lovely crazy individuals! If this is about the drugs honestly I could just go to rehab again for a couple of weeks and I’d be peachy!” He said with sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Yes it is a bit unorthodox for someone with your condition to be here instead of a recuperative establishment.”

“Exactly, so you agree! Just stick me in one of those!” Exasperation started to coat his voice, definitely not a good look on him.

“ _But-_ ” Fucking buts. “After a conversation with your father and brothers we’ve assessed that little can be done for your addiction if the root cause isn’t treated as well. The professionals in this establishment have extensive training and they are more well equipped to deal with someone like you.”

“Well with all do respect _but_ it’s none of my family’s business how I deal with my addiction or yours for that matter. I’m perfectly fine, so if you could just unlock the front door and give me my clothes back...”

“I’m afraid I cannot do that, not whilst you’re a risk to yourself and others.”

Klaus slammed his hands on the table.

“I’M NOT A FUCKING RISK TO ANYONE EXCEPT YOU IF YOU DON’T LET ME FUCKING LEAVE!”

Wrong answer. The director pressed a button on his desk and immediately a massive guard came in with a baton in hand.

“Are you going to beat me up? I’m a patient!” He retreated to a corner adopting a defensive stance.

“We can’t very well keep knocking you out with drugs, so your family suggested some... Alternative methods, only to be used if you do not cooperate with us which I advise against of course.”

“Un-fucking-believable.” Klaus scoffs raising his arms in surrender, all fight draining from him. This was just another mausoleum, one of dad’s making, and this time there was no escaping until he faced his demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! The next chapter is almost ready as well, the story is moving at a slower pace than I hoped since I'm still figuring out where to take it, but hopefully it'll start to pick up soon enough!


	3. The One With The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus gets into a fight. Him and Ben also talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can actually post at a decent time! Also thank you so SO much for all the kind comments they truly made my day and definitely helped in getting this chapter out sooner!

Klaus was transported back to his room, the doctor saying someone would come and get him for lunch.

He laid in bed staring at the ceiling, pondering on what his next move should be. Should he try to play along nicely and try to get released as soon as possible as he did in rehab? Or should he just try to escape, hoping that mountain of a man didn’t follow him? Either way he had to think fast, withdrawal would start to kick in soon and if he didn’t decide he would be swallowed whole and weeks would go by before he saw a glimpse of light in that shitshow.

The door to his room opened once again and the same nurse who had blatantly ignored him earlier peeked in.

“Klaus? It’s time for lunch.” She announced. Klaus got up from the bed and followed her through the halls, Ben still moping around in the background, he wouldn’t try to push for some time and Klaus planned on ignoring him for as long as possible as well.

“So what’s for lunch? I was thinking of some nice waffles with some maple syrup, or maybe a couple of slices of bacon if you’re taking requests!” He said with his charming smile, the nurse ignored him and as soon as they reached the cafeteria she just shoved a tray in his direction and checked something in her notepad.

“Just stand in line and eat whatever they give you, after lunch you get three hours in the communal room and two hours of therapy. Group therapy four times a week, one-on-one therapy three times a week and one day of special assessment on your overall condition, if you have any questions please direct them to your resident therapist, same with any complaints.” She spouted as if directly out of a textbook, which probably was.

She then left back to whatever circle of hell she had come from, leaving a bewildered Klaus in line with another twenty odd patients.

The mean-looking kitchen lady served him a spoonful of grey sludge and he just moved along to the furthest possible corner of the cafeteria. Just a quick look around the room and he already wanted to run away. Fortunately there weren’t many ghosts around, probably because he still hadn’t fully come down from all the drugs he had taken the day before, even with his stomach pumped.

Like the ghosts in the hallway these were relatively quiet, stuck in their little loops. For the first time in his life the living were scarier. There was this woman just banging on her plate, laughing hysterically while her food spilled everywhere. Another patient, this time a man, was banging his head against the wall, the guards only pulling him away when blood started to stain the yellowish white paint. Many others were shouting or rocking from side to side.

Klaus played with his food for a while, keeping his head down, before moving to leave, his tray left forgotten. As he tried to remember the way back to his room one of the other patients approached him, staring him down in a very disconcerting manner.

“Hm, can I help you?” Klaus asked trying to maintain his distance, but the towering man just stepped closer.

“You don’t belong here.” The guy whispered under his breath, his voice so deep and low that Klaus could barely hear him.

“Yeah, I don’t really want to be here either way so… Preaching to the choir my good man!” He attempted to laugh to ease the tension, but this just seemed to set off the deranged man.

He charged at Klaus grabbing him by his shirt and lifting him off the ground, knocking him against the wall.

“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!” He kept shouting. He was strong as well, no matter how much Klaus wiggled and struggled he couldn’t break free.

“GUARDS! SOMEONE! A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE!” He shouted to the halls, a couple of patients walked by, seemingly unfazed by the other man’s violence.

“Come on man, just let me go and I’ll go away, okay?” No answer. Well if negotiating or calling for help wouldn’t help then he would to be physical.

It wasn’t that hard to remember his training as Number Four, but that didn’t mean it didn’t bring bitter memories of the Academy, all the fighting, the mausoleum, Ben’s death… It was just easier to let it all go, to let go of his training and his number and just be a random junkie roaming the streets.

Still Klaus remembered.

Using the wall for balance he was able to lift his legs and kick his offender straight in the gut, both of them falling to the ground. Klaus got up, a bit sore whilst the other man was clutching his stomach, still on the floor, a pool of retch next to him. The guards finally showed up right then, taking the scene in front of them.

“Hey this is not what it seems, this guy attacked me, you can see it on the security cam-“

One of the guards beat him right in the gut with a baton, pain spreading through his entire body like thunder. Klaus fell to his knees clutching his shirt and he was sure he would’ve helped that disgusting pool of retch grow had he eaten something himself. The same guard approaches him and grabs his shirt from the back, quite literally dragging him across the floor. His vision was blurry but he could see the remaining guards sedating his attacker and dragging him along too.

 

\---

 

This was decidedly not a normal place.

No mental institution would condone beating up his patients like that, especially without any proof. _Leave it to dear old dad to find the worst shithole around to shove me in,_ Klaus thought bitterly, pacing up and down his room. A headache was starting to form, either from hunger or withdrawal he wasn’t sure but he couldn’t be here another second.

Due to what had happened in the hall he was to stand in his room indefinitely, a time out of sorts.

Klaus wouldn’t stand for it.

As soon as they unlocked that door he would find a way to escape, he had been in worst situations than this he could pull through and get a fix before the worst came to fruition.

“Klaus-”

“Shut it Ben.” He cut immediately before his brother could give whatever bullshit excuse he thought up.

Again, this wasn’t his first rodeo.

“I know what you’re plotting but if you just keep your head down and-”

“ _Keep my head down?_ You saw what just happened out there! I was trying to keep it to myself but because some _psycho_ tried to mess with me and I defended myself they beat me!” Klaus was shouting now, no regard if anyone outside could hear him or not.

“That was just really bad timing, I mean, from where they were standing it was looking pretty bad.”

“Oh so you’re making _excuses_ for them now? Great way to apologise bro.” The sarcasm was dripping off of his voice, but deep-down Klaus only felt hurt that even now Ben wouldn’t take his side.

Ben looked down as if it was too painful to look at his brother. Klaus was hoping he would answer, he had all this anger bottled up in him that he desperately wanted to let out, but his brother wouldn’t give him the satisfaction to. Klaus stepped towards him as if he was going to kick Ben, but his leg went right through him and instead he kicked the bed, the screeching echoing of the walls. Ben looked at him then, and they just stared at each other as if they were having this secret conversation only both of them could understand.

The door to his room opened once again.

“Klaus, it’s time for group therapy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter there will be some more angst for sure, please stay tuned and tell me what you're thinking of the story up until now in the comments!


	4. The One With The Group Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus goes to group therapy. It didn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, I started another TUA fanfiction and somehow I've been unable to write for either of them... It's spring break now though so I should be able to update more often!

Klaus knew he and his siblings were emotionally-stunted children. Growing up just the _idea_ of talking about your feelings was absolutely ridiculous, you had to bottle everything up and develop extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the pain. So the idea of therapy – let alone _group_ therapy was laughable and Klaus made sure everyone knew he thought so.

He was half-dragged to a room full of people all sat in a circle, one last spot reserved for him. He begrudgingly sat down looking around the room full of crazies, folding his arms and laying back comfortably, refusing to show any signs of weakness.

“Klaus, so nice of you to join us,” a woman said sitting directly across from him. He immediately assumed she was the therapist, her clothes and mannerisms much fancier than the lot of them. “Would you like to introduce yourself to the group before we begin?”

He rolled his eyes deeply but complied. Until he could leave this place he had to play by their rules.

“What can I say really? Unlike everyone else here I can _actually_ see ghosts, that led me to take drugs blah blah blah, for some reason I’m here instead of a rehab because dear ol’ dad doesn’t know what to do with me anymore.” He half-assedly explains, he could see the confused expressions of everyone in the room except for the therapist who was taking notes.

“Do you feel like you were betrayed by your family?” She asks nonchalantly, the question somehow takes him aback, he didn’t expect them to jump onto the heavy stuff quite so quickly.

“No offense doctor, but whatever I feel is my business and I’m not really in a sharing mood right now, pass the torch to someone else.” She wrote something else which started to rub him the wrong way.

He was starting to get antsy, nervous. His leg was shaking and he felt the need to stand up and walk around, withdrawal starting to kick in, he really didn’t want to be here when that happened.

“Fair enough, thank you for sharing.” She said all smiles and then proceeded to ask some more questions to another patient. All that faded to the background, all of Number Four’s efforts were focused on _staying still_. He couldn’t see Ben anywhere but more and more ghosts started to appear in the periphery of his vision. His window was closing quicker than he expected, maybe he had been under for longer than he thought. The only thing he knew was that he needed some drugs _now._

“Klaus? Klaus!” A voice brought him back to reality. It was the doctor, the entire circle was staring at him now and he realised he was biting his nails bloody, the taste of copper coating his tongue and throat. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah I’m fine, really. Just bored out of my mind you know…” He answered staring at the floor as if it held the secrets of the universe, _no no no he wouldn’t give them the satisfaction._

“Klaus, group therapy is essential in any patient’s recuperation. It allows healing through the sharing of similar experiences.”

“But I _don’t_ have similar experiences with these people! They’re all crazy, I’m sane!” He got up from his chair abruptly, the metal rattling as it hit the floor. “Yes I see ghosts of dead people, but they’re _real_ not some hallucination or whatever it’s wrong with them!” He paced around in the same spot, looking out for guards ready to beat him, thankfully none were in sight.

“I assure you Klaus, you have more in common with them than you think, I think if you tried sharing it would really benefit your recovery. You _do_ want to recover, don’t you?” Her tone was a bit unsettling but Klaus didn’t find it in his heart to care. He needed drugs or to escape _now._ He was feeling sick and faint, a layer of sweat making his shirt cling uncomfortably to his back. His breathing quickened and _hell was he going to have a panic attack in front of these freaks?_ They were still staring at him; their piercing eyes were looking into his soul.

“I-I need to get out of here…” He hastened to the door, only to find it locked. That raised all sorts of red flags in his mind. Why would they lock a therapist in with a bunch of nutjobs, especially with no guards in sight. He started hitting the door with all the strength he had, hoping someone would come for him, _anyone_. “HELP! I-I can’t breathe!

He turned back to the group, they were all standing up in a line now, their faces pale and ghastly like the other ghosts in the room.

“No, no, no, no, no, no…” He kept repeating, his back to the door now, trying to get the furthest away from them as possible.

“Klaus, we can help,” The therapist, now looking just as ghastly as the rest with a pencil sticking out of her eye, said taking a step towards him. “If you let us we can help you heal. A lonely, damaged soul like you belongs here with us.”

They all stepped forward, and Klaus let himself slide to the floor, reality mixing in with his past in the mausoleum, he felt like he was going to throw up and pass out.

“No, no, no, please, please…” He begged hugging himself in the corner of the room, making himself impossibly small. “Please, please daddy, please LET ME OUT!”

Tears came down his face freely, the ghosts were surrounding him now, they whispered his name, made assurances that he was one of them, maybe he was, maybe he had OD and was now dead in a hospital bed, his siblings staring down at his corpse with pity. Maybe this was his personal hell and he truly belonged here with them.

The psychiatrist from hell bent down in front of him and reached out her fingers lingering close to his cheek almost in an affectionate manner, but all he felt was cold and void.

“No one can hear you Klaus, you’re all alone.”

The world went completely dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading, if you have any suggestions/constructive criticism please comment below!


End file.
